Old Motor!

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. 

The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running. 

'

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

She said, 'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running..'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. 

 The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?'

The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: 'Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black.'

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."  Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"  The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."  Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.  She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.  He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,  "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."  He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ..............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Dinner Decisions

A group of 40 year old golfing buddies discussed where they should meet for dinner. 

Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitress's there had low cut blouses and were very young.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.  

Irishman

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'  The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' 

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' 
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.  You're not to see that woman again.  
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.' 
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. 
He paused for a moment and then started to leave. 
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.  You didn't  put any money in the poor box!' 

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

A Senior Citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160 kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the Z3, enjoying pushing the pedal  to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police  car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180 kph, then 190, then 200kph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!". So he pulled over  to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with  him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before,  I'll let you go."

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing  her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman